why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
