You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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