How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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