somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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