I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I supernannyed him into submission
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
