I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
