btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
