i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
