Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
