I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
