Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
