she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
