don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
