We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
