I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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