Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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