there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
