I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
