Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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