i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
