yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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