Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Randomize
