And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize