yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
