I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize