when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
