I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
