I looked at my own cervix.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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