I have demons in me.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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