I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
