That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
