so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
