Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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