i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
