Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I want her autograph on my taint
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
