finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
