Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize