I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
