Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
