I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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