Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
