i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
The beer is more important than you right now.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
