when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
