Just cropdusted the office
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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