The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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