Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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