please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Randomize
