I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
