Only a mothe r could love this liver
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
You took a bar mat shot.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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