do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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