So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Randomize
