My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
