Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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