You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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