dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize