I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
