This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
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