i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
