Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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