I'll bet she douches with gravy.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
