I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
