the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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