Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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