I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
