i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
