is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize