belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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