That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
