do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Randomize
