Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
