Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
