also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
