now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
