Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Who died my cat blue again?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
