All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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