i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
