who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
