she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
