what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
