my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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