never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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