I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I lost the right to judge tonight
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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