Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
