he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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