I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
