you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
