I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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