Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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