we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize
