I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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