Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
