He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
