My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
