i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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