OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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