He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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