Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize