9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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