dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
