I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
