apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize
